Wednesday, May 6, 2009

From the "WTF?...OMG!...Really?" file

Because yesterday's post was mature and informative, I suddenly feel the need to be ridiculous. Actually, I read Spoiled Pretty's post on bacon flavored lip balm and was instantly reminded of one of my favorite websites,

I have always had a fascination for weird, useless crap. In college, the student union sold lots of weird candy and gum, and I would always buy it and give it to people (no one else seemed to find it nearly as hilarious as I did, though). An excellent example of this would be Cocktail Weenies Bubble Gum.

But this isn't a candy website, it's a beauty website, so I'm going to share a few fine beauty items that are actually available for sale at a computer near you:

Cheetos Lip Balm
Now how many times have you enjoyed the delicious flavor of Cheetos only to feel guilty later about all that salt and all those calories? Well you can still have that tasty Cheetos experience without abandoning your nutritional goals.

Twinkie Lip Balm
Again, no need to worry about empty calories, or "bad carbs." Delicious, soft lips are all you will get from this balm.

Cereal Flavored Lip Balm
Lucky Charms, Trix, Franken Berry or Count Chocula
Are you one of those people that rushes out the door without eating breakfast? Maybe you just want to recapture the simplicity of your childhood as you sit through yet another endless meeting about "bottom lines" or "strategies."

Play-doh cologne
"Oh my darleeng. Your eyes are zee limpid pools of luv. Your hair is like zee fragrant meadow. Your alabaster skin smells of starch-based binders, preservatives and salt…(Note: this cologne is also available in "Crayon" and "Junior Mint.")

Glow in the Dark Nail Polish
Frankly, I can't think of any smart-alecky comments because I kind of want to buy this.

Toilet Bowl Lip Gloss
Okay…now…really? Wow. How did this come to be? Imagine a bunch of executives sitting around the conference table trying to come up with new products. Suddenly Joe says, "I know – Toilet Bowl Lip Gloss!" Everyone is silent for a moment, then they slowly start smiling and nodding. Then they burst into applause. The meeting is over! They have found their new product! They leave happily and Joe gets a promotion. (Note: it doubles as a keychain – another promotion for Joe.)

If you are willing to waste huge amounts of time, you can find all kinds of things like this. The question is, why would you want to? Well, just in case you do, you can check out more items at sites like perpetual kid and cyber candy.

And for those of you who actually want to buy some non-weird items, type "sale lip balm" into the search bar at Sephora. You'll find nice things there.

Happy Wednesday!

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